Fork in the Road.

psalm 23

This blog is for everyone who is standing at a place in life where they need to make a decision.

Big ones?

Small ones?

The challenge on the roads of life is sometimes not the road itself, but which one to travel along.

There have been times in my life when I am traveling a good path- a beautiful green, lush road, filled with hope, life and laughter.
I have come to “forks” in those roads with optimism, knowing that whatever decision I make could take me into even greener, more beautiful pathways.

There have been times (like now) when I am wandering in circles in the desert- wondering when I come to forks in the barren landscape if they will actually take me anywhere, or just lead me back in circles again.

Those choices can be filled with dread, and sometimes discouragement. When will I ever find those green paths again? Did I just dream them up? Will this desert bloom for me? Or will it always be this way?

All week I’ve been staring at the proverbial “fork” in my road, trying to know which path to take. I wish they would interweave together or even travel along in the same direction, but I know that at some point they diverge.

We have been seeing a homeopathic doctor and at times a naturopath for Hudson’s health.  We have also been seeing several specialists (neurosurgeon, cardiologist, respirologist, paediatrician, dietician, and family doctor).

This week when he was diagnosed with strep throat, which morphed into a terrible asthma exacerbation, I saw the fork.

Do I chose the conventional medicine- go with the antibiotics, puffers and steroids?
Or do I listen to the homeopath– and just use natural remedies, and hope that his body is strong enough to fight?

East or West? Big company or small company?

Could there be a way to use them together like I’ve been trying all year?

I don’t know.

Looking at the choice I had to make for Hudson in the space of an afternoon made me realize that I deeply, desperately wanted a specialist to walk with me- someone who knew everything about western medicine and all the natural medicines and could marry them together in a perfect dance to help Hudson heal completely.

Who could do such a thing? I’ve never heard of anyone that knowledgable—except one.

His name is the Holy Spirit.

Comforter yes. Counsellor. Thank God.

Guide. Oh. Right.

There is a choice to make- and there is a voice crying out to me in this desert- telling me which way to go this time. There is only my need to remember that I can hear His voice. I can know His voice. I can follow His voice.

If I want.

And then this: there are times when like the Israelites wandering around in the desert for 40 years, He might lead me down roads that just don’t feel lush, green or safe.

(Psalm 23- anyone remember the valley of the shadow of death? Sound fun?)

I might, like a chosen child of God traveling to the Promised Land, released from my slavery, need to spend a little time getting to know God in the desert. No distractions, only opportunities to trust Him. No complaining, only watching and waiting for Him to provide. No arguing, only knowing that He who called me out of there will lead me into the fullness of life that He promised. (and really, He is the only one who knows the way in the desert anyhow.)

So Mama’s and Daddies with sick babies and big choices…

So Mama’s and Daddies with big burdens and exhausted shoulders…

So Mama’s and Daddies traveling free and easy and enjoying a rest…

When we come to these forks in our paths, we only have two things in our backpacks.

One- we have the habits and practices that we’ve used to help us chose before- the songs that move us, the books that motivate us, the people who inspire us, the silence that calms us, the foods that fill us, the shopping that distracts us, the movies that numb us….

Look carefully at the habits you have relied on before to make those tough choices. Are they enough to carry you along this road? Will they lead you to the second thing in your back pack, or leave you empty, complaining and wondering where God is?

Two. The Holy Spirit. He IS WITH you. Literally. Seek and you will find. Do not grow weary of asking. Do not trust your habits. Push past your “I just need to veg with this tv show, because it’s too hard to make a choice right now” moments and make a change. Take 5 minutes in the silence and listen for His voice. Fill the air with His words- sing them, speak them, listen to someone else speak them.

We are going to the Promised Land- and He has begun that Promise here in the Kingdom that God is building right now.  It is one of Hope. One of Love. One of Trust. And it has begun in our hearts as we chose Him over our radios, Tim Hortons, Facebook scrolls and Netflix marathons.

(Caviat: I’m not saying never be a Facebook geek or Netflix marathoner- just be mindful: is that where you turn when facing challenges? Are they the distraction to take your eyes off the prize- the prize of KNOWING what God is actually doing and where He is actually taking you and yours?)

So- this week, I came in gratitude to the Lord for Hudson’s tumour. (Weird I know.) But I saw what’s happening in me, and realized He has led me every crazy step of the way.
I was dry. Cracked. Crying. I didn’t know what or how to chose for Hudson. All I had was the deepest ache for him to be whole and healed.

And that’s when I turned to my backpack, and found that over this year, it’s been filled with scripture, songs and advice that all turn me to Jesus.

It was EASY to sit, and rest in silence with Him as I listened for His voice to guide me.

And after I heard Him, I knew that whatever comes next, whatever forks I find myself facing, I can see that He is with me.

We are building together something that can never be taken away (like health or wealth).

He and I are building together in this beautiful relationship a character of the most exquisite beauty that will last all of eternity.

So glad I’m not trying to do this alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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